While sitting in my room I started wondering what could be the top reasons to break up with your girlfriend or boyfriend and why not to share my personal experience.
For many couples the most crucial reasons to break up are Anger, Possessiveness, Conflicting Thoughts, Forcing your Opinion, Reacting Aggressively Publicly, Abuse or Violence & Trust. These are common human behaviour but people aren’t consciously aware of them until it’s too late.
Now let’s dive right into these aspects and I promise these won’t be just listed points but would be a reflection of my personal experience in each one of these.
Table of Contents
Anger
Did you get angry at your partner for no reason and quite often, I did too.
Getting angry is a human emotion which if isn’t consciously controlled can turn a happy relationship into a nightmare.
The worst part is you won’t even realize the downhill part in your relationship.
Back when I was in a relationship this happened quite often, we planned many trips and suddenly at the last moment, she used to cancel.
This would trigger so much irritation and anger in me and it reflected in my behaviour.
When I looked back into it, I realized that at least I would have seen the same scenario by putting myself into her shoes and maybe she did have a genuine reason to drop the plan.
#Practical way to fix it
One thing that has helped me a lot is whenever you feel angry, do not speak and control your anger for the first 30 seconds.
You would notice that if you would have spoken instantly, it could have been something really hurtful without even listening to your partner’s opinion.
Possessiveness
This happens quite often when one partner starts interfering too much and creates a suffocating condition for the other.
Also, one does not want his/her partner to spend time with someone else, do things of their choice and want everything according to themselves.
You want their complete attention.
I had a friend who was too possessive towards his girlfriend.
He used to decide with whom she will meet, what she will wear and even interfering in each and every decision.
He forgot that one needs to give the other some space of their own in a relationship. Eventually, they broke up.
It really starts becoming suffocating, thankfully I was never of such kind.
I had respected my partner and allowed her to have her own private space and wanted the same for me.
#Practical ways to fix it
This can be fixed by talking these things out when you are to enter into a relationship.
I personally gave her all the freedom she wanted and asked her for the same.
In a relationship, there might be a person who has too much free time but the other is quite busy.
Situations like these can also be perceived as possessiveness to a person who is busy.
Best way to minimize this is to divert(not completely but a part of your day’s time) or keep your mind busy into some other activities of your interest, hobbies or passion.
Spend some quality time with your friends, parents and close ones. Give them all the attention they deserve.
Also, one needs to introspect and question:
Am I being too possessive?
How would it feel if the same thing is done to me?
Abuse or Violence
Abuse or violence is completely unforgivable behaviour. Verbal abuse has pretty much the same or even more impact as in the case of physical violence.
Abusing or belittling someone in a relationship makes one feel not worthy enough.
For god sake this had never happened to me and nor did I do it. But yes this happened with my girlfriend when she was in her previous relationship.
She described it as a toxic relationship and trauma that she had to deal with.
Abuse and Violence are two completely not bearable behaviours.
And the worst part is if you kept quiet, it would give more power to your partner to suppress you in a relationship.
Surrendering yourself to self-abasement is the worst you can do for yourself.
Your self respect is something which needs to be taken seriously.
#Practical ways to fix it
I won’t suggest any practical way but yes you can give them a chance to improve but if the same behaviour continues, leaving them is the best thing you can do.
Trust
Trust is a backbone of a healthier relationship.
It creates a bond where each and everything doesn’t needs to be told, you understand them and are comfortable with your partner and believe them.
When we got into our relationship, this was at our highest priority, which cannot be compromised in any form.
Anything and everything can be adjusted but not cheating or breaking trust.
Having trust simply removes so much of misunderstandings and unnecessary worry.
I never worried where she is going, with whom she is going or to whom she is chatting and stuff and she reciprocated the same.
Trust is a double edge sword which can be used as a genuine reason to break up and at the same time as an excuse to break up with someone due to some minor misunderstandings.
#Practical ways to fix it
First of all both the partners need to be open about the trust they have for each other.
Keeping anything in your mind is just going to make the condition worse. So do talk.
You can give your partner more space and freedom which shows your love and affection towards them and makes them believe that you trust them.
Conflicting Thoughts
We as human beings need to realize that everyone is unique(different) and so are our thoughts.
I think this is a bane to us that everyone on this planet is unique in one way or the other.
Here I’ll take the case of my relationship with my parents specifically because it suits the situation aptly.
My father always says that our thoughts don’t match and I laugh within and think that’s such a nice thing.
Why would anyone want another person similar to him/her, it would be so boring.
I would always strive for someone of complementary traits which would complete me as a person.
My partner’s thoughts matter very much as an individual, it doesn’t matter if they match with my thoughts or not.
We should accept everyone’s thoughts and ideas as opinions which do deserve consideration.
#Practical ways to fix it
You need to accept your partner’s thoughts as opinions but you don’t need to forcefully place them in your mind as belief, that’s more of a personal choice.
Also, you don’t need to reject or start fighting.
There would always be a gray area between the black and white or simply don’t get stuck into “EITHER” or “OR” condition.
Either she is right or she is not.
Instead, say to your mind she might be right or wrong and that’s completely fine, I should respect her opinion and move on to things that are more important in this life.
The moment you handle the situation this way it would significantly reduce the conflicts related to thought and stuff.
Life would become much easier and relationships more balanced.
Forcing Your Opinion
Most irritating thing one can ever do is to force his/her opinion. It is a high turn off for many people and you can hardly sustain with such a person in a relationship.
Most of the time we feel that our opinion is correct and why other people in the conversation don’t agree to it.
We are so much into putting our opinion as reply back that we don’t even pay attention to what the other person just said.
#Practical ways to fix it
This is a psychological hack which has worked wonders for me, so whenever I have to put my opinion in front of anyone, I simply frame it like this:
“I am going to tell you something, this is completely my opinion and I might be wrong”
Then you can add your sentence or opinion that you want to share.
What this does is, your opinion doesn’t sound forceful since the listener knows that you are presenting an opinion not facts (which can’t be refuted), so they are more willing to listen and accept it.
Reacting Aggressively Publicly
I bet you wouldn’t have consciously noticed that your behaviour is completely different when you are in public in comparison to one on one talk with your partner privately.
So this happened, I was at a house party with my girlfriend, her sister and some of our common friends.
My girlfriend’s sister shouted at me in a loud voice and I instantaneously reacted to her by raising my voice back.
This just spoiled the whole party and my girlfriend started to fight with me since I reacted in such a way.
She only had one thing to say if one person shouts that doesn’t mean we have to go down on the same level and shout back.
Instead, like a mature guy you would have politely responded back and asked the reason why she reacted like this, privately.
#Practical ways to fix it
Losing your calm is the easiest thing but keeping it is the hardest.
With that in mind try not to react but simply respond back politely. Your mind wants a reason to calm down, so go and politely ask them that reason.
Do this in a private space or away from other people because people become a lot more kind and soft hearted when no one else is watching them.
Publicly it would be very hard for them to back off from what they said, it has become a symbol of pride and self respect.
A person convinced over his will is of the same opinion still.
When you act sensibly and do not react, it becomes embarrassing for the person shouting.
Since they were looking for a reaction and in maximum cases, they want to provoke you to lose your calm and the urge to surrender and react becomes irresistible.
FAQ
Should you break up with someone you still love and if yes, then what are some valid reasons?
Sometimes it becomes really hard to be together and even harder is to leave. You just need to keep in mind that there would be some reasons like trust, respect, abuse or violence which can not be tolerated at any cost and break up is the way for it.
But if these factors are some human behaviours like anger, possessiveness or being too opinionated then these are adjustable and can be fixed by talking to your partner.
What are some reasons to break up with a nice guy?
For many girls out there this is the toughest part as they don’t want to hurt someone but also don’t want to be together.
In many cases(not all) nice guys tend to be a little possessive which sometimes become a reason to break up.
What’s a good excuse to break up with someone?
Generally, there are none. If you have some integrity, go forward and honestly tell them you cannot be together instead just beating behind the bush.
Dodging and making excuses hurts the person more in comparison to if they would have been directly confronted.
Conclusion
This was my experiential reality which I found helpful and worth sharing. Also, “Practical ways to fix” was an added bonus for you all.
After all, breaking up in a moment is easy but sustaining and nurturing a relationship into something wonderful takes time, sacrifices, love and care.
Now I’d like to hear from you:
Which of the practical ways from today’s post are you going to use first?
Are you going to politely respond? Or control your anger for 30 secs?
Either way, let me know by leaving a comment below right now.
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