How to resolve conflict in a relationship (with 5 best strategies)

We both felt strongly but still had conflicts in our relationship. There are many such relationships which go through the same phase and we would look for the best possible ways to resolve them.

Resolving the conflicts in a relationship when both feel strongly can be sorted by fixing the major causes such as- urge to act impulsively, controlling the aggressiveness, avoiding blaming, not making your partner feel inferior, breaking the trap of unnecessary expectations.

Some really interesting reasons coming forward. Let’s dive right into it:

Acting Impulsively

Acting impulsively can be a possible issue in many other situations also. But an example of planning a trip best suits the scenario.

Particularly in my relationship, we both use to act too impulsively. Most of the time we never gave a thought as to why my partner is behaving the way he/she is.

We would impulsively decide on things and any one of us would cancel at the end moment. This was so annoying.

Just imagine you are planning a trip with your partner and at the very last day they cancel. I can relate to you on how it feels.

#Strategy 1(fixing the impulsiveness)

What really helped me in my relationship was we discussed this out. We planned out beforehand.

If still last moment cancellations occur, instead of getting annoyed we accepted that last moment changes can take place.

I started taking it like this: It’s ok if we have to cancel, there might be some genuine problem that my partner would be facing.

Now whenever any one of us would cancel, the other person would understand and this made life so much easier.

There would be many important decisions that you need to take in your relationship journey. 

Temptation to act impulsively is something that many others do in their relationship but trying to step back a little, thinking on it and then acting is what makes you a little different & apart from others.

Blaming

Oh the blame game, this happens so often in relationships.

Dealing with blame games in a relationship becomes a little tough since sometimes it won’t be you but the other person in the relationship blaming constantly for everything.

So why does this blame game take place and how can we handle it?

I have mentioned common points based on psychological state of a person:

• They are afraid to be proved wrong for their decisions. 
• They have this very strong belief that they are always correct.

#Strategy 2(fixing blame game)

First of all you need to understand this very clearly:

You cannot change anyone in this world apart from the one person and that’s “YOU”.

So, stop blaming your partner for all the things that go wrong. 

Have the courage to accept if the mistake was really from your end and even if it was not then try to understand your partner’s opinions on it instead directly blaming them and ending everything.

Making Other Person Feel Inferior

Does making someone feel inferior makes you look stronger? Definitely not.

Instead, this shows how weak you are from inside and have a constant fear of losing your superiority(if any).

 #Strategy 3(Staying away from superiority delusion)

For fixing this you need to be consciously aware of the times when you make someone feel inferior. Some common patterns are:

• Continuous attempt to prove to other people that they don’t know anything.
• You make other people inferior when you are angry or lose your temper.
• The easiest way to retaliate or react in such cases is to pick some weakness of your partner and point it back to them.

1st point: I need to tell you in the age of technology just knowing more data or facts doesn’t make you feel smart or superior than others. So you would be much better off avoiding this temptation.

2nd point: Just remember you are making the other person feel inferior not because you really want to but it’s just that you have to react. 

Being Aggressive

Being angry or aggressive is not a thing which happens accidentally so you keep ignoring it and assuming it as a habit.

It’s a human emotion which comes from one’s within and can be controlled pretty much.

I have seen this very closely in my father. He runs his own business and oftentimes acts too aggressively.

I wondered why he was angry all the time. Can he not joyfully work with people working under him. So I asked him.

He answered that if he acted too polite with these people they would take him for granted and you need to be strict with people for the work to be done on time.

Was it really so? Is it the ultimate truth that you have to be strict with people then only they will work?

Are there no other businesses in the world running in a cooperative manner.

Then I realized no this wasn’t the truth. It was just an excuse for something which unconsciously was not under his control and has now become an indelible habit.

 #Strategy 4(Fixing the aggressiveness)

So does that mean it cannot be controlled or avoided?

Definitely, it can. If it would have been a teen, it would have taken much less time to get over it but since for adults of around 50yrs of age, it has become more than a habit(deep-rooted in the subconscious memory).

Change can only be brought if the individual him/herself is willing to seek change. 

I was also too aggressive with people but my behaviour has changed drastically. So what I did:

See first I’ll tell you what really happens in your mind when you get aggressive then only you can know how to handle it.

Majority of times I saw that I was getting aggressive because my mind was not able to calm itself with a concrete reason as to why the other person is reacting the way he/she is.

Your mind needs a valid reason as support to calm down and not react.

So let’s say your girlfriend/boyfriend came from work and started behaving aggressively with you.

You have two choices either to behave back in a similar way or the second being just to wait and think why your partner behaves like this.

Most people in a relationship never chose the second part, they just react to prove they are equal.

When you wait and think in your mind that maybe it would have been a bad day at work or maybe there was too much traffic as a reason for his/her behavior.

Now you can see how your thought process drastically changes.

Miracle starts happening, your mind would automatically calm down, the temptation or impulsiveness to react would completely vanish.

You would have the patience and want to know the actual reason from your partner instead just bouncing back and reacting without knowing.

Unnecessary Expectations

Expectations are good but too many expectations is something you need to be cautious about.

Why do unnecessary expectations arise and what’s the best resolution?

Most common reason that I can think of is: Comparison.

The moment you start comparing your relationship with others in the society or surrounding, you are bound to get bombarded with unnecessary expectations to keep up.

 #Strategy 5(Controlling the never-ending expectations)

You need to realize that every relationship is unique and goes through different situations. 

I would have supported the comparison if all the comparing factors would have been equal.

For example: 

Let’s say in a Relationship A both partners have much time that they can meet everyday or go out on an outing every weekend. 

On the other hand we have relationship B in which one partner is busy with his/her work and the other has expectations that their relationship should be like relationship A.

Conflicts are bound to happen in relationship B because of the comparison.

Instead if the person in relationship B accepts and understands that his/her partner genuinely doesn’t have much time to spare and act accordingly, many conflicts can be automatically avoided.

FAQ

Conclusion

Conflicts are never a good thing to have in one’s life. We already saw some of the reasons above and how to resolve them. Hope you related to it.

Leaving the rest to you:

Did you go through any one of the reasons in your relationship stated above?

Methods that you used and worked?

Share your experience and leave your comment below.