Have you ever faced this situation? I did not but yes I did see such situations a lot in my college. Couples coming into relationships mindlessly and then finding reasons to break up without hurting.
Five ways which would help you break up without hurting your partner are- Avoid making them feel better, Prefer confronting over hiding, avoid no communication, Don’t criticize and Overcoming the temptation to end without a reason.
Let’s see ways coupled with my own experiences in depth:
Table of Contents
No Need to Make Them Feel Better
I have seen this so many times people using the following statement to make the other person feel better:
You’ll probably get someone better than me.
First of all please don’t do that. You don’t unnecessarily want to portray yourself well. Leave that to your partner and let them decide.
That above sentence looks so lame. Also, you won’t realize that if the person on the receiving end just wants to stay in a relationship, he/she would be least interested to hear anything else(specially the good words).
Don’t Hide But Confront
Hiding things and dragging the relationship would simply waste time, energy and most important of all the “Trust”.
If you are really not comfortable or due to any reason you don’t want to carry forward your relationship, then have some integrity and confront it directly to your partner.
The more you’ll hide or keep this to yourself, the more it would make you feel guilty leading to unnecessary thoughts and finally stress.
Let’s try to find out the real cause of why people hide things in a relationship?
Their can be few points to consider:
Most obvious one being afraid of hurting the other person: We as humans are so sensitive and get controlled by our emotions most of the time.
Leaving someone completely clueless would be more hurting than directly confronting and ending a relationship.
You need to balance out your emotions or in other words: “Energy in Motion”. The moment your emotions start taking toll on you, you are bound to get trapped in a loop of thoughts.
So the best option here is to confront it, saying that it won’t hurt would simply be over sympathising and I won’t do that.
Yes it would definitely hurt.
But if the other person is willing to accept the situation and embrace the emotional pain for some time (depends on how closely you were attached), he/she would possibly move on.
Have you ever thought why it really becomes so tough for some people to move on.
It’s because thoughts can change within seconds but emotions and feelings take time to turn around.
For ex: Let’s say you have been with your partner for quite some time.
You were thinking how good is your relationship with your partner but suddenly they did something and they became bad or even worse.
Now you could see your thoughts change instantaneously, but since the bond has been for quite some time so your emotion and feeling for your partner would take some time to change its direction.
And yes if you give sometime and accept the situation as reality instead banging your head with thoughts like:
Why does it happen to me everytime?
Why are they leaving me?
Am I really that bad in sustaining a relationship?
You would move on.
Having a fear of what the other person would think of you: You are afraid of being judged, it’s ok you are not alone there are many out there who feel the same way as you.
I do agree that getting judged by someone else is not in your hands but getting affected and constantly being fearful of it is totally an individual’s behavior which is within himself.
You can either be fearful of it and keep postponing the confrontation or go and talk to them about it.
The latter would definitely be a little uncomfortable but would well save you from prolonged state of fearfulness.
Overthinking whether to tell or not: This is the same as the above point, just that now you have moved on to the next stage after fearfulness and that’s: Constant Thinking.
One thing I need to confirm is that in any phase of your life, you would never be in a state of 100% surety before taking certain action.
So the best you can do is to analyze the situation, act accordingly while keeping the possible consequences (due to your actions) in mind. This would help in breaking through overthinking.
Avoid No Communication
This happened to me. I was angry after a fight with my partner and totally blocked her from all the conversations for around a month.
It was not the first time that any one of us has blocked the other person, this used to happen quite often.
Sometimes it would be her, other times it would be me.
So what really happened this time that we broke up. Usually it used to be a day or two and we would talk and sort out.
But this time it had been a month since we last communicated which created so many misunderstandings.
I would have never imagined it would be so hurtful for her that we would eventually break up and would never be back again.
Having no communication just portrays an egoistic, stubborn & obstinate behaviour.
Communication clears up so many misunderstandings.
Don’t Criticize and End
The last thing anyone would want to do while ending a relationship: Blame or Criticize.
Criticizing and blaming your partner for all that has happened would hurt them more than anything.
If something really went wrong from your side then accept it and if it was your partner’s mistake then leave it to them.
In the previous sentence I said “Leave It To Them” as if to avoid constant attempts to make them realise.
You will be surprised to know that anything that comes as thought from within(self introspection) contributes very strongly in changing one’s behaviour in comparison to any outside stimulus.
It’s them who have to decide whether they want to accept and learn from it or keep building resistance walls against such things.
You can never change anyone or make forcefully realise anything until and unless the other person himself wants to.
It’s like a reverse effect, the more you want them to accept their mistake the more they will become averted to it.
Ending Without a Reason Makes No Sense
Many young couples just go into a relationship due to attraction or infatuation.
They usually get bored and have no reason to continue further.
The irony is we take around 5-10 days while selecting and buying clothes but when it comes to relationships it just happens in a matter of seconds.
Do take your time and think about the consequences(effect on your time management after relationship, career, health) which would occur due to this decision.
When you take these factors into consideration chances are you’ll be able to sustain the relationship happily.
FAQ
What to say when breaking up with someone you love while ending a relationship?
The best thing to say or do would be to accept the things that went wrong from your side. Don’t start making them realize by blaming or criticizing, this won’t help much but would make the condition worse.
One thing you must remember not to do is saying sorry or asking for forgiveness multiple times.
You need to cherish the moments that you spent together. Taking it as experience and learning from it instead of feeling guilty.
How to break up with someone nicely over text?
Breaking up on text is not recommended. The best way would be to meet privately and then have one on one conversation.
But still, if you want to break up over text, you can confront the reason(whatsoever it may be) directly instead of beating behind the bush.
Hiding and dodging the reason would burden you with guilt but confronting would make you feel lighter from within.
Surely it would hurt but it is bound to happen anyway.
How to break up with your boyfriend when you still love him?
Make up your mind whether you really want to do this and more importantly why you want to do this.
Since this is a paradoxical statement. There might be a very strong reason that you are breaking up or thinking to end a relationship with your guy while you still love him.
But yes if you gave a thought and found breaking up was the only solution then sure go for it else if anything which can be adjusted( won’t suggest compromising on trust, abuse or violence) then talk it out.
Don’t just keep it to yourself and accept that you are the only culprit. People do manipulate these things and start taking advantage.
Conclusion
Firsthand I would never wish for a break up but if yes you get stuck in such a dilemma of breaking up gracefully, this article would be of great help.
Now I would ask it to you:
If ever gone through such times, which tip you related to most?
Did you try any of the above mentioned tips, how was your experience?
Share your experience and thoughts below in the comments right now.
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