Are you going through a long distance relationship break up? I pray not. But still, for those who are, I’ll show you how to deal or handle with it effortlessly.
Main reasons that constitute for a break up in a long distance relationship are Lack of trust or doubtfulness, Lack of intimacy, You found someone else, Urge to meet too often & Conversations feel boring.
Let’s see the reasons first, followed by their solutions:
Table of Contents
You Constantly Doubt or Question the Trustworthiness
Do these questions constantly revolve in your head:
Where is your partner?
With whom they are?
Why are they not picking up the call?
So this generally happens due to lack of trust and somewhere in your mind you feel that you are unable to keep constant check on your partner due to long distance in a relationship.
Lack of Intimacy(normal or physical intimacy)
Every relationship is built on some kind of intimacy. It could be normal or physical intimacy.
Normal intimacy generally consists of wanting your partner to take out some time in a day for you. You want to chat or call them.
After coming into a long distance relationship, partners feel physical intimacy as an important part in their relationship.
Suppressing physical needs doesn’t help in any way, so what can one do to protect their relationship from break up. We’ll see this in the later section: How to fix a long distance relationship breakup.
You Found Someone Else
Since I wasn’t in a long distance relationship but one of my friends was.
His partner got attracted towards someone else in the college which she studied.
Getting attracted towards someone else while you are in a relationship is completely normal until you don’t compromise on your integrity.
You can get attracted to someone as infatuation for a day or so but then you can simply ignore or move on, what really matters is you value your present relationship.
If infatuation isn’t controlled it could be a strong reason for breakup in a long distance relationship.
Urge to Meet Too Often
We as humans want to socialize and meet up with our loved ones but long distance relationships have their own challenges.
One partner might be free but the other too busy.
This happens in the early stages of a relationship. The urge to meet quite often while not taking into account whether the other partner is comfortable with it, can create conflicts in a relationship.
Understanding between the partners in a long distance relationship is very important.
It Feels Boring
Relationships need not to be boring but when it comes to long distance relationships, this might be the case for many.
Since in long distance relationships technology is the only medium to connect, so you might feel a lack of in-depth in person conversations.
Not having time anymore for conversations can be the sign of you starting to lack interest in your partner.
How to fix a long distance relationship break up?
Since we already had a glance at top 5 reasons for long distance break up above, now the important part comes into play i.e how to deal with it.
#Fixing the doubtfulness
As I have already discussed about being doubtful as a reason to relationship anxiety in the post- Relationship Anxiety: What you need to know & how to stop it
I’ll be focusing on questions which generally occur in our head while being in a long distance relationship as below:
Where is he/she?
Whom are they with?
Why are they not picking up the call?
Is he/she cheating on me?
These questions reflect lack of trust and depicts you giving way too much importance or spending time on certain aspects of life i.e relationship.
You need to trust your partner doesn’t matter if it’s a long distance or normal relationship.
When any one of the partners in a relationship is free, the mind could wander to above thoughts and questions. It’s normal.
Mind wants to be kept busy else it would wander on it’s own producing unnecessary thoughts.
You can give your mind the right direction by involving it in some physical tasks or activities that you love.
This constitutes a more integrated way of approaching life instead just living with one fragment of it, that’s relationship.
If you are conscious enough to see you’ll notice that when trust and your mind is kept busy, half of your questions that were coming previously would sound baseless.
Many would think that keeping mind busy can overburden them. But that’s not true, what I really meant was that there are many other activities apart from your relationship where you can spend your time.
Atleast find something on which you can have an unwavering focus for a certain period of time.
Your mind would feel much lighter and calm.
#Fixing the feeling of lack of intimacy
Feeling of lack of intimacy on the physical or normal levels can be too overpowering to control.
Why do you feel the lack of intimacy?
The answer is we have created certain criterias or beliefs by seeing what has already been happening in our surroundings, through which we perceive that the relationships should be in a certain way.
But that’s not true. That’s just a belief that intimacy is must. You first have to come out from this.
The moment you realise that not everything told in this world is absolute truth, you’ll start seeing things with a completely fresh perspective without a bias or prejudice attached to it.
Yes, I do believe that intimacy plays an important role, but there is no one else to blame since you already knew and were the one who came into the relationship knowing that it would be long distance.
Knowingly there would be constraints that cannot be fixed, you have no choice but to accept it.
The moment you accept it you’ll feel normal instead of making an issue out of it or suffering unnecessarily as to was it a right decision to enter in a relationship with limited physical intimacy.
For normal levels of intimacy you can simply convince your mind by keeping yourself in their shoes.
You can ask the following: It might be that they are really busy on certain days so it wouldn’t be possible to chat or talk.
When you keep yourself into another person’s place and think, your mind gets convinced and doesn’t generate any new thoughts related to it.
You need to understand and give them some space and freedom. They would eventually connect back.
One thing you might have noticed that the ways that I have mentioned above are conditioning your mind to think in a certain way. That’s all it needs.
The moment you start thinking in a certain way you’ll emote in the same way and ACT according to it.
See finally we ended on ACT. People directly jump on fixing their ACTION but think in the same way.
For fixing it from the root cause you need to fix the thoughts(initiators) or your mindset, ACTION(result) would accordingly and automatically follow.
#Fixing the attraction towards someone else
Getting attracted to someone else can be the result of all the other reasons stated above in a long distance relationship.It’s pretty normal and can be dealt with easily.
I would try to keep this very simple, you have two options here:
If it’s serious then confront your partner about it. This could end up in a break up.
If it’s just a first time infatuation, ignore it and move on. You haven’t committed any crime here.
We are humans and getting attracted to someone is not an issue until and unless you don’t forget your limits.
Even I got attracted to someone but instead of creating a mess out of it, I simply knew that it’s just my emotions bursting up. I kept my integrity and knew my limits and just kept this thing aside.
Now people might ask, Saurabh is it really that easy to keep such things aside and move on.
Indeed it is if you are aware of what’s going inside your head. Most of the time we just say things to attract others attention, even though we are not actually experiencing it.
So you need to ask, is it really that serious or my emotions controlling me and I’m making unnecessary issues out of it.
Chances are you will end up with the latter.
#Fixing the urge to meet too often
Meeting too often in a long distance relationship might not be feasible. It takes away a lot of time and energy.
Human nature is such that we give immense importance to things which we get after a certain period of time else anything regular or mundane becomes too boring.
Long distance relationships demonstrate the true meaning of patience in a relationship. Anything too possessive or impulsive cannot sustain in it.
You really get time to test your partners as if they really came in this relationship because they were serious about it or just wanted to play around.
#Fixing the lack of interest
You need to think: Is it just a temporary feeling or you have really lost interest. Sometimes conversations really become boring and we often blame the other person.
Give it a check: are you making your best efforts to revive it. Also, we expect too much in a relationship that we are conditioned to something new and wonderful everyday else we just lack interest.
Percieve you and your partner as two different human beings with so many differences in thoughts, personality, behaviour. The more you explore them, everyday would be a new and exciting journey.
Opposites attract.
When to let go of a long distance relationship?
Letting go is not the best possible option that I would recommend but yes sometimes it might be the one that you should go with.
- Your partner is not willing to contact or communicate
- He/she intentionally cheated on you
- Have no reason but using long distance as excuse to break up
FAQ
Why do most long distance relationships fail?
What I have experienced is many of the long distance relationships fail because of a preconceived notion that it won’t sustain due to lack of some factors such as intimacy, meetups, communication gap.
Also constant comparison with others makes the condition worse.
Will ex move on during no contact?
They might or might not. In my case we stayed together after certain no contact times but eventually broke up and moved on.
Having no contact once or twice can make them feel your importance but if it becomes a habit(quite obvious) it would impact relationships and might end up in break up.
Is distance an excuse to break up?
Maximum number of times it shouldn’t be. If you are coming into a long distance relationship, you need to be pretty much comfortable with constraints such as long distance.
If still someone wants to break up then chances are there might be another underlying reason which they don’t want to confess directly and opting distance as an excuse to break up.
Is getting back together possible in a long distance break up?
Yes it’s possible if both the partners are willing to sit and talk it out.
It’s you who has to choose whether to get bogged down by constraints(distance, limited intimacy, meetups) which you already knew before coming into a long distance relationship or accept them.
You need to keep your opinions just as opinions without forcing them, if the other partner is willing to accept the constraints or situation the way it is and carry on, long distance relationships can go a long way.
Conclusion
Finally we have come to the end. Many a times long distance relationships do not break up because of the actual constraints or reasons but due to non understanding between the partners.
If you are the one in a long distance relationship try your best to not get affected by the reasons stated above as all of them can be fixed.
Leaving it you:
Did any of the reasons above relate to your relationship?
Did you save your long distance relationship and are still together?
Which of the following tips are you going to implement?
Anyway would love to hear your experience, share it by commenting below right now.
Leave a Reply