Relationship Anxiety: What you need to know & how to stop it

I have observed that relationship anxiety is a topic which people are not comfortable sharing or talking about. I’ll be sharing my experience of relationship anxiety and how I overcome or stop it.

You can stop or overcome relationship anxiety by not overthinking, controlling the state of doubtfulness, feeling of worthiness and tackling insecurities. Such practices take time to become habits but prove to be really fruitful.

This would be a detailed article based on past experiences. 

It’s a collection of interesting real life incidents which people can relate to than a typical list wise blog post. 

So just hang on till the end. Now let’s dive right into it.

What is relationship anxiety?

Relationship anxiety is a sense of burdening yourself with unnecessary thoughts and worrying about the things that might happen in a relationship. 

Why particularly I used “might happen in a relationship” because it’s just a thought or an illusion which hasn’t happened yet and you are worrying about it.

You simply dwell into memories(past experiences) and feel anxious of what’s going to happen in future. Leading to completely bypassing the present and enjoying it to its fullest.

Past memories and experiences can be a major cause of relationship anxiety. You feel doubtful at every stage and cannot trust easily.

Now the next question that pops up in the head is: 

Am I the only one feeling like it or it’s common among others?

So you need not to worry, you are not alone and can calm down. There are many and yes take my word for it, there are many who are going through the same feeling & thought process.

It happened with me also when I was in a relationship, so I would be able to better explain and share my experience & how I dealt with it.

Keep hanging you’ll get all the answers related to relationship anxiety in different sections below.

What causes anxiety in a relationship?

Some obvious things that people do in a relationship which can trigger anxiety in their partner is: they share things in bits and pieces, leaving the rest to assumptions for their partners.

What it comes out like a secret or something that you are hiding, even if you are not.

You can choose from these two ways that work best when sharing anything with your loved ones:

1)Try to be as open with your partner as you can. At the same time give a thought to the consequences that can happen due to your action(sharing). 

If you can handle the consequences then definitely go for it but if it’s a little bit of a dicey thing, choose the option stated below.  

2)There are things which if you kept to yourself will do more good then bad in a relationship.

So particularly what I am trying to make out of it is to avoid the ambiguity or blurriness in your conversation. 

There would be times when sharing would make the most sense but sometimes keeping it to yourself would be a better decision.

Let’s take a situation from my life for better understanding.

We both use to do this unconsciously and sometimes consciously. If we met any guy/girl, we shared it by exaggerating so much.

You know today I met a guy/girl and they were so and so, wooing all over them.

It’s okay to share such instances with your partner but sharing for the purpose of having a reaction or making them feel insecure can be avoided.

Also, sometimes it might happen that you didn’t have any intention to make your partner feel insecure but still they feel like this. 

In such a case it’s not you but your partner who needs to overcome insecurity. For overcoming insecurity, I had explained in the section below: How do I stop my relationship anxiety?

I have observed in many relationships this happens quite often. People are still connected with their ex and try to hide or skip the conversations that they had.

These conversations can be initiated by an ex or the partner himself/herself.

Also, sharing in bits and pieces could cause a lot of misunderstandings, it usually starts like this:

I want to tell you something which happened some days ago and then they share.

How does anxiety affect a relationship?

I would be very specific here and elaborate on how it affected one of my friend’s relationship. Hope you can relate to it.

One incident that I remember was back when my friend started feeling: was he the right one for me?

She went into a loop of thoughts that maybe he could find someone better. Maybe I am not worthy enough for this relationship.

Feeling of insecurity stemmed it’s seed inside her.

It started reflecting in her behaviour leading to sometimes feeling anxious about social acceptance.

Whenever they went to some gatherings or parties she used to avoid interacting with people, feeling anxious about what people would think of her.

This really affected their relationship and triggered so much of unnecessary thoughts or worries.

How do you know that you have relationship anxiety?

Most common signs are: 

# You Overthink

Yes you heard it right, you keep thinking:

What would happen to your relationship?

Too much thinking of the future and eagerness to know whether your relationship would sustain or not.

Would you be able to maintain it or not?

Thoughts like are you giving the best in your relationship to maintain it or not. 

Are you hiding something which needs to be shared?

This happens when you are generally confused about whether or not you need to share something with your partner.

The confusion keeps on building and you finally feel yourself to be lost and anxious.

# You Feel Insecure

How many times or instances in your relationship have you had this feeling?

Insecurities can be based on your past experiences which were bitter like:

• Your partner dumped you
• You were been cheated
• Misleading you
• Not telling the truth about their feeling towards you

# Not Worthy 

Never ending question of being worthy enough for your partner can be a sign of relationship anxiety. You keep questioning your worth in a relationship. Major questions here are:

• What does he/she think of me?
• Am I the right choice for him/her?
• Will he/she leave me for someone better?

# Being Doubtful

It never happened in my relationship since my partner had immense trust in me. 

Yes, trust ends many of the unnecessary and unwanted questions boggling in your head. 

Nature of being doubtful can be related to lack of communication. One thought which could have been cleared by asking, triggers many other thoughts and you feel entangled and anxious.

I would rather not suggest keeping everything in your head, instead if you feel that it’s worth asking then you can directly confront your partner and ask them.

I stated: “you feel that it’s worth asking” in the above sentence for a specific purpose.

Because sometimes this could create a delusion in your mind and end up in bombarding your partner with little unnecessary stuff, which could be a waste of time and energy in your relationship. 

Ultimately leading to draining in your relationships.

The temptations to keep asking questions and longing for answers can end up in relationship anxiety.

How do I stop my relationship anxiety?

We would use signs that we discussed in “How do you know that you have relationship anxiety?” section and see how can we overcome them below:

# Controlling Overthinking

Overthinking is a habit which needs a deep introspection on your mind level. You need to be conscious enough to see the thoughts that are running in your mind.

Close your eyes and do this for 10 seconds: Don’t think about MONKEYS.

What is the first thing that came into your mind after reading the above sentence?

We both know that : MONKEYS

So you can see this is how your mind works. 

The moment you start resisting anything in your head, it would be next to impossible to stop the thoughts related to it and it will grow and worsen your psychological state.

Now the practical way that I personally practice and has been beneficial to me is consciously(being aware) observe the thoughts whenever they pop up in your head.

You don’t have to fight them, just be like: 

Okay I know that this thought is coming in my head and I would handle it effortlessly.

Just a thought which is not even the reality cannot play with my state of mind.

Self introspection or Questioning helps a lot. You can question yourself: is it the reality or just an assumption which is driving me crazy.

If it’s reality then it definitely deserves some serious attention but if it’s just an assumption and can be questioned, then you don’t need to worry much about it.

Example of reality vs assumption is: 

If you’ll go into fire you’ll be burned. This is a reality which can’t be refuted.

But let’s say, you think that your boyfriend is hiding something. This is an assumption. He might be hiding or not. 

It can be questioned. So the best you can do here is to confront it with your partner and clear this confusion surrounding your assumption.

Structuring your thought process like above would definitely calm down your mind.

You would be better off devoting your time to more important things than just living in your delusional reality.

# Overcoming the Feeling of Being Not Worthy

In maximum cases thoughts of being not worthy generate from outside stimulus like below:

Your partner lost his temper and said you are not worthy enough for me.

First of all if such things happen occasionally when you fight or get angry then it could be fixed by talking it out. Maybe your partner would make some efforts and avoid such remarks.

But there would be cases in which one partner constantly keeps on poking and with all due diligence wants the other person in a relationship to realize that they are not worthy enough.

If such is the case then you surely need to rethink and preserve your self respect for someone who really cares and would appreciate you as a partner.

Your worth cannot be decided by someone else, it’s you who had to first perceive yourself as worthy enough.

 # Handling Insecurity

Past experiences such as getting cheated, dumped or lied about feelings makes one insecure. We start assuming and fear that the same might happen in the current relationship.

Getting into a new relationship is like you are travelling on a highway at night. With your headlights on, you can only see a little further and keep driving.

Once you drive a little further ahead, you get to see a little more path on the highway.

Same goes in a new relationship. You have to enter and keep going in a relationship keeping all the insecurities aside. 

Rest leave it to time. Not everyone is the same and you’ll realize as your relationship matures.

Learn from your past experiences, do not suffer them. Make sure you won’t commit the same mistakes if anything similar repeats.

# Dealing with Doubtfulness

Try not to act impulsively and think before you question or doubt your partner in your early stages of a relationship.

Mind is mind, doubts & insecurities will arise as normal human behaviour. 

If doubts really matter you can clear them out but if not, then simply passing them would be the best.

FAQ

Disclaimer

These are my personal views totally based on my past experiences and are not the substitute for professional help or medical advice. If the condition is serious, I’ll definitely recommend you get in touch with a therapist.

Conclusion

Relationship anxiety is something which can be easily dealt with if controlled in early stages. 

Hope you enjoyed the detailed article which is not based on some theoretical knowledge but inclined more towards things that I myself have tried and worked and needs to be shared.

Now it’s your turn:

Which part of the post did you most related to?

Did you try any of the above tips and benefited from?

Share your experience below in the comment right now.